My Thoughts

I love the dark, I can't stop thinking about it, oh how it wraps me in a cold empty and loving embrace, of safety that doesn't exist in any physical dimension, oh how it fills me with the cold ice of solitude and silence, it's calming unyielding presence, that  is so thick it drowns my every motion and thought, so I dare not provoke it, for to find myself a victim of a vain torture that none have survived with any memory of life as it once was... would in all sense of the word become nothing more than a banshee, yet it's not even there... because it doesn't exist, and it is driving me insane with the thought of where it is and when will it be back, the voices are laughing now, taunting me with there shrilling and crying laughs of mockery, all of them now in perfect and graceful union with one another,oh the perfection, oh the perfection... of there song of insanity... it drives me deep into never ending madness...and deeper still... how can anything be so pure and be of darkness at the same time, oh why do the voices taunt me... as if a plaything, am I a toy meant only for the entertainment of a dark seething monster called misery, I hope not... for then my life has no meaning, and will be that only of a banshee... to fall victim of the banshee... Misery..., is to fall victim to the Darkness and that would dim the joyful and happy memories from me till hope and happiness is... non-existent... and what horror that would be, so I walk in the Darkness... so others may see the light, for to do as I... nay to be as I, you need to know that horror and all the horror that comes along with it, for the way of the banshee is a simple one..., live to tell the stories of those who have died, their meaning and tell of how they died, but..., but... the worst part of all is that a banshee is just the person that lives on to remember the dead, and their stories...,the person who cries at night over the deceased, that is what a banshee is and we all are banshees in a way, so to the dead... may we always remember you.

Tell it like it is

You form your environments and they are quite literally extensions of yourself.
Your environments are materialized mental acts that extend outward from your consciousness.
Your ideas and beliefs form the structure of your experience.Your beliefs and the reason for them can be found in your mind.
The realization that you form your own reality should be a liberating one.My life is mine and I form it.

The Wisdom of Old

Prologe

Many ages ago, in a time of peace and wonderful new forms of magik. A young human girl, whos name has been lost for ages since, gave the elves a sacred stone. The girl athough surounded by peace felt danger on the rise. The stone given to the elves was not a stone but a magikal soul. The soul belonged to a powerful being from the heavens. The Soul Stone ,as it became called by the elves, was said to have the power to show a lighted path when all hope was lost. The human girl died from a magikal poison sliped to her by one of her own. She was the frist of many people to die trying to protect the Soul Stone. Her dying breath spoke of two futures. One was of war between the world where everything was destroyed. But the other was of a young elven prince who would go forth into the world and kill the masters of all evil. She spoke of a time when war came, and death was apon the elves, but the prince would save the Elven Woods, the Humans and Darfs from the cold fires of Darkness. And so it was said, writen, and past down amoung the Elves for a hundred generations. With the peace of the world staying in balence even the elves with their wisdom, disregarded the dieing breath of a spooked human girl. The Soul Stone with its power was hidden well in the elven city of Selornora, deep within the ancient forests of the Elven Woods. Lost even to the elven leaders for well over 1000 years, till the day it would be needed by the young prince the girl spoke of. Lost in time the Stone past from history and into lagend.

Chapter 1

The day started like all the others, with the rising of the two Suns. Their blue and red glow cast a magikal beauty apon the world, and as Pince Delasind of the Elves of the Elven Woods, they cast an essence of tranquility apon the small clearing of my living area. My small hut was placed outside the city walls of Selornora,because I liked being alone.
 This is a preveiw of my new book "The Wisdom of Old" the rest of chapter 1 will be posted at a later date if u have any ?'s feel free 2 ask

Samhain

Samhain Ritual
Ancestor Night, Celtic New Year, October 31st

Tools:
In addition to your magickal tools, you will need:

• An Orange Alter Cloth
• Cauldron
• 1 Black Taper Goddess Candle
• 1 Black Taper God Candle
• 2 Carved Turnip Candle Holders
• 1 Black Votive Candle
• 1 White Pillar Candle
• 1 Apple
• A Bolline
• A Plate of Fruit
• Vegetables and Breads
• Pictures or Mementos of Departed Loved Ones
• Samhain Incense (Mint, Nutmeg, Apple)

Preparation:
Sweep area, moving in a deosil manner. Outline your circle with a black cord, fresh turned earth, or salt. Place the black taper Goddess Candle to the top left on altar. Place the black taper God candle to the top right on altar. Place the black votive candle in the cauldron, positioned on floor in front of the altar. Plate of Fruit, Vegetables, and Breads should be put in-between Goddess and God candles at top center of altar. Apple and Bolline should be placed in center of altar, on a Pentacle if possible. Arrange the rest of your tools and props according to personal preference. Bathe or shower for purification. If you have magickal jewelry or jewelry passed on to you by departed loved ones, this is the ritual to wear it all. Sit and meditate to ground and center. When ready to begin, play some appropriate soothing music for ambiance.

Cast the circle and call Quarters...... invoke the Crone aspect of the Goddess by lighting the black taper Goddess candle and saying:


"Dark Mother, ruler of the night, Goddess of death and rebirth, Hear and behold Your child this night as I honor Thee and Thy realm. I stand humbly before Thee, asking for Thy blessing and favor. Lift, now, the Veil between the worlds, as this time-out-of-time begins, That I may commune with my ancestors as they journey to the Summerlands."

Step back from the altar and concentrate on the Goddess candle's flame. Should it rise and flicker, proceed. If not, silently project your wish to commune with your loved ones that have passed on. When you feel that your wish has been acknowledged, invoke the God by lighting the black taper God candle and saying:

"Dark Father, aged Consort of the Crone, Lord of the Underworld, Hear and behold Your child this night as I honor Thee and Thy realm. I stand between Thee and Thy Lady, asking for blessing and favor. As this time-out-of-time approaches, stand ever guard as the Veil lifts, Keep safe my ancestors, and all of my loved ones As they journey to the Summerlands"

Step back from the altar and concentrate on the God candle's flame. If it rises and flickers, proceed. If not, silently project your wishes that your loved ones be kept safe on their journey. When you feel that your request has been acknowledged, step back up to the alter and pick up the apple, saying:

"Tonight as the barrier between the two realms grows thin,
Spirits walk amongst us, once again.
They be family, friends and foes,
Pets and wildlife, fishes and crows.
But be we still mindful of the Wee Folke at play,
Elves, fey, brownies, and sidhe."

Cut the apple crosswise with the Bolline to reveal the symbolic pentagram at the core. Take a bite of one half of the apple and set it back on the Pentacle. (This apple and others will be buried outside later, after the ritual is done) Continue:

"Some to trick, some to treat,
Some to purposely misguide our feet.
Stay we on the paths we know
As planting sacred apples we go."

Now take your wand in your projective hand to bless the "Feast of the Dead". Wave it over the plate of fruits, vegetables, and breads, saying:

"This Feast I shall leave on my doorstep all night.
In my window one candle shall burn bright,
To help my loved ones find their way
As they travel this eve, and this night, until day.
Bless my offering, both Lady and Lord
Of breads and fruits, greens and gourd."

Replace the wand on the altar, step back and bow your head. Stay silent for a minute or two as the blessing is given. Proceed by lighting the black votive candle in the cauldron and saying:

"Dark Mother Your cauldron is a well of death and rebirth,
Dark Father Your sword both protects and annihilates.
Hear me now as the past year slowly dies, only to be reborn again.
Today, the last of the Harvests is complete.
This symbolic harvest is of my thought-seeds,
Planted and nurtured throughout this past year.
May the good come to pass and the bad be cast aside.
With Your divine guidance and protection,
I step into the New Year,
May I have good health, prosperity, and happiness."

With the flame of the black votive candle light the white pillar candle, saying:

"As the New Year is born, we are all reborn
With new hopes and dreams.
Guide me in the future as in the past.
Give me strength and courage,
Knowledge and fulfillment,
Assist me as I attempt to achieve my goals."

Snuff the black votive candle and replace it. Remove the white pillar candle from the cauldron and place it in the center of your altar. Stare in to the flame and think about the goals that you are setting for the upcoming year. When done, say:

"Every beginning has an ending,
And every ending is a new beginning.
In Life is Death, and in Death is Life.
Watch over me, my loved ones, and all of my
Brothers and Sisters, here and departed,
Who, tonight are joined together again for
Fellowship and celebration.
Bless us all as we light our bonfires, our hearth fires,
And the eternal fires in our hearts.
Guide us and protect us,
Tonight and throughout the coming year.
Blessed Be! Blessed Be!"

As you say "Blessed Be!" stretch out your arms over your alter as if to embrace all of your ancestors, your departed loved ones, and everyone on Earth. As you say "Blessed Be" again, embrace yourself with a reborn love and pride.

It is now time for meditation and spellworking. Associated spellworkings would include those for protection, self-confidence, and dissuading harm. If there is no spellworking, celebrate with Cakes and Ale, then release the Circle. Clean up. You are done. Leave the white pillar candle burning somewhere it won't be disturbed. Some use it as the single candle in their window, but I leave it on my altar and use an electric candle in the window to dissuade a fire!

"The Forgotten Son" Prologe

I was deep in a state of sleeping where I was awake and knew what was happening but I bloked it all out. I had spent the last four hundred and eleven years locked away in cell after cell, chain after chain, cage after cage. I had been beaten, choked, burned, cut, and all out torture for years apon years. When it all frist started I just kept asking my former Brothers why I was being torture, I ask them why I was being locked in the dungeons of the castle that was my home for so many years. I asked my former Brothers, my former comrades, and former friends why? What had I done? For what was I being acused of? They never replyed. All they ever said was "You are no brother of mine!" I was confused and couldn't contemplate the reasons why I would desreve the punishment I was reseiving. Iit was always the same, the jailers would come and get me (I was the only vampire prisoner within the four square mile underground dongeon. I was the only prisoner that would look the gaurds in the eyes. Everyone else had been broken with pain and torment, but I had been trained to withstand pain and suffering). I would walk to the spot I knew so well, the whiping post. I would take off the sack cloths that the prisoners wore. I would stand with my back against the pole they use to tie pepole up. I would cross my wrists over my head so they could be tied. I had done this hundreds of times and everytime I just stood there being wiped not feeling anything but numbness. I didn't hear anything or feel anything, yet I knew every detail of the leather wipe with the five thin razer sharp blades weaving around the whip so that is truned as it cut you. Making the blades go deeper into my flesh then they where long. But at the same time I didn't even know they were there, everything was just a haze of never ending torture. I knew that my former Brothers could not kill me because the the Father would know I died. He could sense all of us. Many times I wondered why he couldn't sense that I was down deep in his own dungeons for all those years waiting for him to find me. I knew that if I had done something wrong I would have been taken to him for jugdement. I knew that if I was guilty for my crimes that I would be killed by my Father, the one who had made me a vampire. The one who had trained me and tought me everything I knew. He would have killed me with a honest death as all of his warriors desevered, even if they had betryed the Sons of Dracula and betryed thier own Father Count Dracula. Because of this I knew I had done nothing wrong so I chose not to speak for more then a hundred years. All that time I didn't utter a single word not to them or my self. I was a battle hardened vampire warrior I knew no fear, I knew no pain. That was how all Sons of Dracula lived. They would fall dead on the battle field protecting their Father's land and name. They would do so without ever feeling sorry for themselfs. The only thing I feared was spending forever locked in the dungeons of my great Father's castle alone with nothing but the haze of a bladed whip and the pethetic mortals screaming around me. I was afraid that even with all the screaming around me I would hear nothing but the ringing sound of silence forever in my ears. I had been tortured for more then four hundred years yet I was never ask a single question, just tortured varis ways.

Writen by Nathan L. Koontx

Inmortality

Inmortality is everlasting life
yet everlasting death
it is everlasting youth
while loved ones grow old
and everlasting happieness
yet deprived of joy

Inmortality is forever
and forever is unending
unending love
unending life
unending youth
and unending wealth

Inmortality brings all this
and more
Inmortality also brings
unending lonlyness
unending death
unending sorrow
and unending greif

Inmortality is a great burden
that is everlasting and unending
Inmortality is pain not joy
Inmortality is a punishment and crule
Inmortality means to have everything and still want more.....
                             By Nathan L. Koontz

Fly Away Dove

Oh dove
I see you cry
I see you fight
I see how you long to be free

Oh dove
why do you want out
why leave all this food
why leave the safty of your cage
when there is danger in the air

Oh dove
I feel your pain
I feel your hurt
I feel your hunger to feel the wind
under your wings

I too feel the need
the need to be free
so fly away dove
fly away and be free
feel the wind
under your wings
so fly away dove
fly away without me.
            By Nathan L. Koontz

The First, Second, and Third

From dove to angel
like a life left altered
yet pretty like flames of candle
graceful, soft, and pure as a dove
yet powerful, holy, bringing fire from above

Your war cries are sweet and joyess
as you slay the dragon
who looks up at u with saddness
you laugh at the stupidity
as six heads strike
letting the blow fall
yet with no wound just bruise on ankle
you stand with no pain
while dragon runs in vain

Darkness will run abroad
till angels come down
to kill the fraud
darkness shall have no frown
ruling your rightful people
till the dawn of a new day
its so plain and simple
we must wait till glorious day

There shall be a disappearing
but don't worry for there come an appearing
the end comes when the seventh is broken
the last is Armageddon
your flock shall come home
for they will be safe and sound
yet Earth shall be left for destruction
and with darkness on your throne
he better be ready for desecration

The ten rulers will give us freewill
only a few will live to remember
your cosmic battle of truth and skill
all of your own shall come home after
and the rest will go to hell

The end of days is your victory
you and your saints shall look into pit of flame
as dragon of darkness is to proud for mercy
                                           By Nathan Koontz

My True State of Mind

My heart pitch black from darkness around me
waiting for the light to brightly shine through
sitting around in a place quietly
wondering if someone is like me too
I live this life in thoughtful misery
no light around me to show the way
I have friends to share my depressing stae
still here asking why I'm alive today
I see all rivers flow like streams of blood
this world is full of things imperfect
my enemy the horribly hideous sun
all these things I have said and meant
I live this live alone in darkness
and no one, no one at all can mark this

Lullaby of Tears, Eyes Tell No Lies

you see me smile
I say hello
but through my eyes
you see me cry
for in my eyes
the tears yet to be shed
although yet to come
soon all will be said
and as I lay down and listen
as the day fades away
listen to the people
and listen to the plees for help
coming from their words
dancing to and fro
I see the true meaning
the silent voice of tears
lonly and true
for few have been broken by tears
and few know the meaning of pain
these few will live life to the fullest
while others live life in vain
and this is why I cry
for no one understanda
and no one asks
for my eyes tell no lies
only the past
heavy with burden
and worn by tears
so I cry myself to sleep
my silent lullaby

True Love Shall Never Die

On a damp and dim winter day,
A young maiden walked through the street,
Although she couldn't say,
Her heart just wouldn't beat,
Somehow she already knew,
Although she couldn't grasp,
The thought had already grew,
And when she came to the cemetery,
What she beheld only mad her gasp,
She knelt by the grave and started to weep,
Her weeping could be heard,
Through the silent town,
Down the swaying street,
And under the sleeping forest,
She went on and on,
And anything that steered was drone to her,
As the sun kept rising into the sky,
And yet down in the newly waking town,
Her sorrowful weeping sound,
Just made everyone cry,
And as they silently joined into her saddening sound,
Until she lay down to die,
And all she did was lay down with a sigh,
Yet the sound of her weeping,
Still flew through the sky,
And beyond the silver lining,
But when they all found her,
The grave of her long lost lover,
Was where she had been weeping,
And laying next to her,
On a note stained with tears,
Read
"True love shall never die!"
                           By Nathan Koontz

Oh Sunny Day

One rainy day
I sat on the porch
one rainy day
the sun came out like a torch
oh sunny day
how I love thee
oh sunny day
Please don't leave me

You were my sunny day
but like you, I said goodbye
oh sunny day
just like you did too
when you left me that day
now all I have of you
is rain from a sky of gray
oh sunny day
why did u have to die
oh sunny day
it just makes me cry

Your smile was a sparkle
in a world of dull gray
your eyes were like diamonds
that lit up my day
why would you leave me
why would you that  way

you stood strong like a stone fortress
yet ruled like a royal duchess
you lit the world like a sunny day
how could you take that away
how could you
how dare you
oh...can you not see
I belong with you
and you belong with me

I shall miss you always
now that u have died
I shall miss you always
until of life I am deprived
until heaven shall our loving eyes meet again
until heaven shall our glorious love re-begin 
                                          By Nathan Koontz :)

How I Truly Feel

I feel alone always even when I am talking with friends. I try to make them happier when I am sad so I can run away from my sorrow and pain, but when I am alone I cry myself to sleep with thoughts of others and other peoples worries and cares. I eat myself from the inside out just trying to be different then others but I just end up an outcast. Nothing hurts more then to be forgotten.

Song of Remembering the Heros of Old

this is the song I want 2 be played at my funeral - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSDTX_LaLvA&feature=view_all&list=PL45DB149E0C0F0D78&index=1

About Me

I love the dark, I can't stop thinking about it, oh how it wraps me in a cold empty and loving embrace, of safety that doesn't exist in any physical dimension, oh how it fills me with the cold ice of solitude and silence, it's calming unyielding presence, that  is so thick it drowns my every motion and thought, so I dare not provoke it, for to find myself a victim of a vain torture that none have survived with any memory of life as it once was... would in all sense of the word become nothing more than a banshee, yet it's not even there... because it doesn't exist, and it is driving me insane with the thought of where it is and when will it be back, the voices are laughing now all of them in perfect harmony with one another,oh the perfection of there song of insanity... it drives me deep into never ending madness... how can anything be so pure and be of darkness at the same time, oh why do the voices taunt me... as if a plaything, am I a toy meant only for the entertainment of a dark seething monster called misery, I hope not for then my life has no meaning, and will be that only of a banshee... to fall victim of the banshee Misery, is to fall victim to the Darkness and that would suck the joyfulness and happy memories from you till hope and happiness is non-existent... and what horror that would be, so I walk in the Darkness... so others may see the light.